Step back

One by one, they fade away…

Satisfying needs and wants of the other,

One by one, I’m kept at bay,

‘Cause my needs and wants don’t matter.

One on the side, left to rot,

One buy one, well, I’m two,

Not the buyer or the bought,

Quickly from boo I become who.

Love lasts, that may be true,

Not shown or felt, nearly dead.

Loved last, But am the only one true,

Forever I care, even when rid.

You pair the best to get the best,

Not just chemistry, its truth unsaid.

Got them genes best, let’s face the rest,

A mystery why with me wasn’t put to bed.

Once the talk, thought, and breathe,

Now no talk, No care on how I’m doing,

Still I wait, to talk, to care, to be the need,

When love’s ready, know I’ll be waiting.

One by one these tears roll down,

Come the day, when each need an answer,

Comes the grasp, not others’ frown

But my smile, the one that did matter.

They say, if it’s meant to be, it will be,

May be you leave everything to chance,

I make my meant to bes, so it will be,

Baby, I fight to ensure my chance.

Cried a river, but I stood tall.

Walked away in defeat, but I refuse to let go,

Cry me a tear, I will outstand the fall,

Walk with feats, always outshine your beau.

I may be gone but am never over,

I last forever, even if just in mind

Once with me, am the one true lover,

Cast aside, but still the best you’d find.

A setback, I stepped back,

Gave you space, some time away,

I step back, Clawing up the stack,

Past has passed, I need you back today.

Replaced?

Betrayed once, it’s all in the game,

Second betrayal, now it’s such a shame,

Stabbed twice, don’t care for blame game,

Pay the price twice? Lost I have my face and dame.

Thought I had much love to spread,

Overwhelming heart, spread where it led,

Now it’s haunting me, that love is almost dead,

There is no next, that word has become my dread.

I’d rather the silver bullet had crept my behind,

After a flip and topple, I would’ve just stayed behind,

Lick the flames and hoping to shut out my breath and mind

That way I didn’t have to face this loss, or this act unkind.

Death is eventual, but you aren’t prepared for it,

I knew had to face this someday, but today wasn’t it,

I trusted my feelings, love, where it led and what we did,

The last strand of hope burned, you’ve gotten me rid.

Could’ve given this, all and more than was wanted,

In return all I wanted was to be the one wanted,

Not by some, all, or one, but the one that I wanted,

To earn that want, I did everything I could, undaunted.

This time, I’m not walking away,

Your choice now to turn the other way,

Choice has been made, am thrown away,

Yet I choose to fight, live and die another day.

It’s time to retire the person behind the mask,

Don’t deserve another chance, couldn’t live the ask,

The colder I’ve become, no more me I can unmask,

Me? Who’s me, it’s him that I’m dumping alive in the cask.

I may be cold, but he’s lived long enough,

Braved the storms, but he’s not just that tough.

To live through tears, blood and survive the rough,

He’s been replaced, and now I shall rule his turf.

A survivor, hope some of him survives this day,

So that he’s there when his love returns someday,

Will work on finding ways to game this play,

Ensure he never comes second, I will lead his fray.

Fight desire or Fight for desire?

Everything I seem to want I do not get,
The harder I try, the further it gets.
It started with you, a few, and everything new,
I get real close, smell the rose, now it's just No’s.
Should I stop wanting? Should I stop trying?
Some blame the desire, some the fighting.
Look, this is how worse it can get,
Looks like I'm the bad example set,
Compared to present, the bad seems better,
All of a sudden it doesn't pay being the go getter.
Ramblings of the defeated, you may think,
Lost have I ones dear, dear dreams,
Dreams’ wants, wants extremes.
But should I stop wanting, should I stop trying,
That's when I'm done. Done with fighting,
Done with living, done with what I meant…
That ain't happening. I'm out to prove that I'm godsend.

The misjudged

I'm too much drunk, badly stung,

If life's a ladder, am on the last rung.

Bad luck dude, Always misunderstood,

They don't get me, I'm always booed.

I don't get credit, I lost merit,

One wrong expression, and I'm no longer fit.

That's how they judge, never trust what's true,

If Hunger Games then I must be Roo.

I take a fall, and the next comes along,

Too much sorrow before the swan song.

I've had enough, life gets tough,

I dunno why I fight through this rough.

It's just him, well anything goes,

Most of what he's done for me, nobody knows.

Hey that's just great, I'm still here,

When I'm gone amiss only then I'm dear.

No god no hope, no knife no rope,

I prod along, swimming in drink and dope.

The feelings are still here, but one can't be near,

The other stays near, yet feelings morphed into  fear.

So I start my run, away I go,

Yet my thoughts and feelings I can't let go.

Maybe it's me, maybe I just can't flee,

But for once how much I mean, you just might see.

Except when lost

Some things made sense to me, a fervor,

Something's felt important, a fever,

Someone got into my mind, a lever,

But that someone left me behind, a leaver.

They say you need two hands for a clap,

Just me waving my right, doesn't make a clap,

What I have or done, no one gives a crap,

I'm exiled here, caught up in this society trap.

Agreed that it's better to have loved and lost,

Than to have not loved at all. I've loved and lost,

So many times, that I'm now an eternal loser,

With what I got I can’t be, feel a mere poser.

What’s the point of love, if you can’t give it?

What’s the point in feelings, if you can’t express it.

What’s affection, if you can’t show it,

What’s the point of life, if I can’t live it.

I want to feel important to someone,

Someone to feel important in my want,

Importance given by someone to me and

My want for someone sound important.

Hate my reflection, I break the mirror,

Can no longer look good, unless am with her,

No hugs and kisses, without you am bitter,

Please come back I mew, am forgotten litter.

Take me away, Before claws of society tighten round my neck,

Take me away, Before waves of pain wash over the deck.

Take me away, Don’t want my hands to pronounce my end,

Take me away, Rather me than anyone, be the one to send

Me away, Before I learn that I meant nothing to you all,

Take me away, ‘fore him I am made to look small.

Oh wait, that just happened, didn’t it?

Take me away, ‘cause that comparison has me dented.

Take me away, I’d rather leave on the high,

Take me away, When I still know I’m the better guy,

Take me away, before I’m discarded like a rag doll,

Me a way far from wails during my curtain call.

Miss feeling alive again, I’m frost,

Wanna feel warm with you, at all cost,

Spend every second and first, never last,

Always around her, except when lost.

A battle of emotions except that I'm now lost.

The missing peace

Sometimes, it may seem...

It may seem that I’m fortunate,

That I’m a success story,

Or that I don’t see what I got,

May be and may be not,

Coz no one knows my side of the story,

The story why I feel unfortunate

Or why my dreams stay a dream…

I’ma tell you in my own words I guess...

All my life I’ve been very deprived,

Never the wanted, but one to be cast aside.

Surprised I’m here, I’ve survived

Shit all my life, anybody else would’ve died.

No one gives a shit if I am here or gone

Why, even I spite the day I was born.

What am I worth? I ponder on,

No response, I wonder why I even carry on.

Every morning I search for places to hide,

Everyday’s a day in the court, I feel I am tried,

Judged for every action, there’s no reason to deride,

I don’t belong here, Yet forced to continue the ride.

Shoulder pops out, even though it’s my own,

Every now and then, I'm injury prone,

No wonder my shoulder to lean on, my precious stone,

Bails on me, Embellishing the wrong throne.

No one does nothing for me,

I know, Its probably just me,

But I do so much, Is it something missing in me?

Maybe I will get my want, Before I go missing, hopefully.

Been the ugly duckling all through, I’ve cried,

Thinking about it, I’d rather ride

The wave than be scared and denied,

Accept and move, High time I feel revived.

Don’t find the need to say more,

But you get the jist of it,

And one fine day, I will be missed…

When I’m dead and gone,

But I woulda made sure I made a mark on

Every life I’ve touched and kissed,

With me there’s always a twist,

Remember, I’m never gone. Need I say more?

No one to see, I see no one but me, I like no one, just like none like me. A garbled message of what's missing in me.

Blurred crystals

Passed by worlds, I feel hollow again,

Forgot my world back, Realized then.

Forgotten me, nowhere I Iive in,

For that sweet affection am now yearning.

Bothered that I rank low in priorities,

Wanna be the one, not a boy tease.

Lost more than one can, Shot in the knees,

Wish everyday my soul be put at ease.

Nobody knows what I’ve been through,

None realize I’m the only one close to true.

Green me? the lost face is back cause I love you,

I am not a lost memory, but the one to stick to.

Miss my life, more than you can imagine,

Oops, Careful I should be with words I’m using,

Cause I give out more than what I’m getting,

Bah, don’t care, was dealt more shit than I can take in.

Live life by the day, its a curse geez,

Still make everyone go weak on their knees,

I’m a rebel, hell, I make even hell freeze,

Think you can stop loving me, Oh please!

Two faced maybe, but you know the me that’s true,

Talk behind my back, ‘cause they don’t have a clue,

About me the only constant, persona’s new.

Life of the party, its me they secretly look upto.

Brand me whatever, I’m the one you’re thinking,

Give me whatever, I’m here for the take in.

Am your world, your lost jigsaw piece,

Am the cold and the protective fleece.

Say nothing, yet I am everything in you,

Show nothing, yet am the one you do.

On the lane away from my world, I turn and look back... all so clear yet so blurred.