Except when lost

Some things made sense to me, a fervor,

Something's felt important, a fever,

Someone got into my mind, a lever,

But that someone left me behind, a leaver.

They say you need two hands for a clap,

Just me waving my right, doesn't make a clap,

What I have or done, no one gives a crap,

I'm exiled here, caught up in this society trap.

Agreed that it's better to have loved and lost,

Than to have not loved at all. I've loved and lost,

So many times, that I'm now an eternal loser,

With what I got I can’t be, feel a mere poser.

What’s the point of love, if you can’t give it?

What’s the point in feelings, if you can’t express it.

What’s affection, if you can’t show it,

What’s the point of life, if I can’t live it.

I want to feel important to someone,

Someone to feel important in my want,

Importance given by someone to me and

My want for someone sound important.

Hate my reflection, I break the mirror,

Can no longer look good, unless am with her,

No hugs and kisses, without you am bitter,

Please come back I mew, am forgotten litter.

Take me away, Before claws of society tighten round my neck,

Take me away, Before waves of pain wash over the deck.

Take me away, Don’t want my hands to pronounce my end,

Take me away, Rather me than anyone, be the one to send

Me away, Before I learn that I meant nothing to you all,

Take me away, ‘fore him I am made to look small.

Oh wait, that just happened, didn’t it?

Take me away, ‘cause that comparison has me dented.

Take me away, I’d rather leave on the high,

Take me away, When I still know I’m the better guy,

Take me away, before I’m discarded like a rag doll,

Me a way far from wails during my curtain call.

Miss feeling alive again, I’m frost,

Wanna feel warm with you, at all cost,

Spend every second and first, never last,

Always around her, except when lost.

A battle of emotions except that I'm now lost.

The missing peace

Sometimes, it may seem...

It may seem that I’m fortunate,

That I’m a success story,

Or that I don’t see what I got,

May be and may be not,

Coz no one knows my side of the story,

The story why I feel unfortunate

Or why my dreams stay a dream…

I’ma tell you in my own words I guess...

All my life I’ve been very deprived,

Never the wanted, but one to be cast aside.

Surprised I’m here, I’ve survived

Shit all my life, anybody else would’ve died.

No one gives a shit if I am here or gone

Why, even I spite the day I was born.

What am I worth? I ponder on,

No response, I wonder why I even carry on.

Every morning I search for places to hide,

Everyday’s a day in the court, I feel I am tried,

Judged for every action, there’s no reason to deride,

I don’t belong here, Yet forced to continue the ride.

Shoulder pops out, even though it’s my own,

Every now and then, I'm injury prone,

No wonder my shoulder to lean on, my precious stone,

Bails on me, Embellishing the wrong throne.

No one does nothing for me,

I know, Its probably just me,

But I do so much, Is it something missing in me?

Maybe I will get my want, Before I go missing, hopefully.

Been the ugly duckling all through, I’ve cried,

Thinking about it, I’d rather ride

The wave than be scared and denied,

Accept and move, High time I feel revived.

Don’t find the need to say more,

But you get the jist of it,

And one fine day, I will be missed…

When I’m dead and gone,

But I woulda made sure I made a mark on

Every life I’ve touched and kissed,

With me there’s always a twist,

Remember, I’m never gone. Need I say more?

No one to see, I see no one but me, I like no one, just like none like me. A garbled message of what's missing in me.

Blurred crystals

Passed by worlds, I feel hollow again,

Forgot my world back, Realized then.

Forgotten me, nowhere I Iive in,

For that sweet affection am now yearning.

Bothered that I rank low in priorities,

Wanna be the one, not a boy tease.

Lost more than one can, Shot in the knees,

Wish everyday my soul be put at ease.

Nobody knows what I’ve been through,

None realize I’m the only one close to true.

Green me? the lost face is back cause I love you,

I am not a lost memory, but the one to stick to.

Miss my life, more than you can imagine,

Oops, Careful I should be with words I’m using,

Cause I give out more than what I’m getting,

Bah, don’t care, was dealt more shit than I can take in.

Live life by the day, its a curse geez,

Still make everyone go weak on their knees,

I’m a rebel, hell, I make even hell freeze,

Think you can stop loving me, Oh please!

Two faced maybe, but you know the me that’s true,

Talk behind my back, ‘cause they don’t have a clue,

About me the only constant, persona’s new.

Life of the party, its me they secretly look upto.

Brand me whatever, I’m the one you’re thinking,

Give me whatever, I’m here for the take in.

Am your world, your lost jigsaw piece,

Am the cold and the protective fleece.

Say nothing, yet I am everything in you,

Show nothing, yet am the one you do.

On the lane away from my world, I turn and look back... all so clear yet so blurred.

The Flaunted

Got the weight of the world on my shoulders,

I can't hold,

Feel so lone when surrounded by people,

I don't know,

Feeling betrayed lost all faith in the lord,

I don't bow,

I can love but got none to love me back,

I'm growing cold.

Been taught many lessons in my past,

I don't learn,

Lit up many a times, walking pyro,

I still burn,

Continue to give my all to sweet ones,

I can't turn,

Most think I got all I could get in life,

I still yearn.

Tired of being nice, I can get nothing,

I'm a suicide pill,

Want to destroy this me you all know,

I can't kill,

Create a new me everyone hates,

I don't fulfill,

Been used to turn on others wishes,

I'm a shill.

Till the day I am lost forever,

I'll be unwanted,

Even when I am lost for good,

I'll be haunted,

Still I don't care, In face of adversity,

I'm undaunted,

Forever in your minds and memories,

I'll be the flaunted.

Standing tall even when subdued, I flaunt...

The fallen cause

Hiding behind the bushes he waited,
Speeding trains blew past,
Cold winds on face, as motion lines abated,
Memories of yonder days flew fast.

"He was most friendly, my best friend", she said,
 "No one expected him to do what he did.
Popular guy, always smiling, a level head,
Never thought so much grief he had hid."

Her beautiful smile, the first kiss,
Weekends with Dad, driving carts on meadows,
Friendly banters, and make up drinks, I reminisce.
Mom... you believed in me, even when I crept in shadows.

"A Straight-A student, nothing suspicious..."
"He never complained about anything", said a close one,
"Christian by heart, god-fearing and superstitious"
"If I only I knew... easy to say when alls said and done."

This pain has become unbearable, I can't take it no more.
Feeling of not wanted, A worthless loner, None to adore,
How's he deserved than me, what's he done before,
Don't deserve life, Colder I've gotten, rotten to the core.

Tears await a miraculous return,
Eyes look beyond the horizon,
Imaginary shadow walks, spiking the carers yearn.
Alas! Prayers and Love cannot maketh their lost son.

Out of the bushes, closed eyes, frozen on his tracks,
Ironical how a 'cowardly' act requires this much courage,
Opens his eyes to get a final glance, edging close to tracks,
He jumps blind, falling prey to the bloodied carriage.

Based on true life stories around Caltrain teen suicides in Palo Alto, California.

The wilting flower

Abrupt thoughts, on negative vibes I sway,

What’s the point anymore, there’s no new day.

Tears climb back into eyes, even they’re afraid,

Pointless verses, words wait to be remade.

Hate this world, I don’t belong here,

Am not special no more, none who hold me dear.

I should’ve left when I was just a spark away,

Alone now, love bereft, wondering why I continue to stay.

Wish my fingernails were dagger blades instead,

I could’ve extracted more of that red,

These marks on my neck would be mere marks no more,

All hands on deck, I rather be marked on floor.

More words today than I am used to,

Not in right frame of mind, I don’t feel good.

I am not where I wanna be, but am not dead yet,

The lone survivor is me, cornered yes, not counted out yet.

Voicing thoughts of a wilting flower, riding on those final lonely moments

The forgotten tale

I’m in the process of being forgotten,

My best and feelings growing rotten,

The more I try, lonelier I’ve gotten,

Ripped bare, solace in me I’ve sought and

Still caged, a forged persona I’m forced to flaunt and

Hollow I’ve become, Life that I’m not in.

No regrets with the idea that I bought in

Or moments I’ve lived, never to doubt in

Decisions I take or the days I lived in.

Now everyday is a nightmare, I’ve started counting,

Every night I just stare, in darkness take a pounding,

A Passion I’ve come to adore, without I shan’t be living,

None that I own but the faith in believing.

A Tale that lives, a flame that glimmers and a hope that lasts.